Nations Reflect on Obama’s Border Plan for Israel
WASHINGTON — Leftists everywhere have deemed Obama’s 1967 Border Plan a marvelous success.
“It’s brilliant,” raves The Muskegon Post.
“Two thumbs way up,” says Roger Ebert.
Obama administration intern and self-proclaimed foreign policy analyst, Kenny Darcy, explained the key to the plan’s strategy:
“Well, growing up I was always told that things are made so due to arbitrary decisions. My dad, a Boston Lawyer, wanted me to go to Harvard, so I went. I think the same principle can be applied to the Middle East…or elsewhere.”
Why not? Obama administration officials are already busy shifting borders to 1947 specifications.
“Let’s uhhhh, face it,” said Obama. “The world was better back then. Much easier to remember. The Russians had everything in Eastern Europe. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, and Hong Kong were all under the Union Jack. And China was ruled by two separate factions. I don’t know, I just really like it that way.”
With a little pixie dust and a wave of a magic wand, the borders have been redrawn. Alas, there are certain difficulties: David Cameron pointed out that Britain can hardly defend herself without France anymore, let alone run a massive colonial empire. Chinese government officials reportedly laughed upon reception of a letter detailing the finer points of the plan, and suggested the United States adopt a 1797 border plan. Ranking members of the Likud party gave a one hundred page-long protest entitled “Up Yours.”
In response to Israel’s response, Vice President Joe Biden said, “Well, geographically Israel is about the same size as New Jersey. I say we adopt a 1500 Border Plan for New Jersey, and allow all current Israelis to migrate to this new Zion and go about displacing the Indian tribes themselves. They would feel at home as there are plenty of Jews in New York City, so I am told.”
German policy wonks, who feel somewhat dissatisfied with the proposition that their country would be divided once more, claim their 1937 border plan would be the best choice, as this would diminish Soviet borders considerably. The upper echelons of the German military said that if their demands are not met in the border redrawing talks, they will resort to the 1941 border plan.
Stephen Hawking believes the 1947 Border Plan will work provided a collection of well-placed rifts develop within the Space-Time Continuum arise.
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Posted by NEWasp
on Jun 15 2011. Filed under International.
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