John Edwards Says He’s Too Pretty for Prison
The former Senator, Presidential hopeful and re-animated Ken doll, pleaded not guilty to charges that he used campaign money to hide his mistress and love child from the public and his ailing wife during the 2008 presidential campaign. Seeing as he thought that all political campaigns had money set aside for a baby-mama drama slush fund.
“As I’ve often said during my political career, there are two Americas: one with a set of rules for the rich and powerful, and one for everyone else,” Edwards said in a 30 second statement to news cameras that enveloped him outside of the courthouse. “For my sake, I really hope I belong to the first one.”
The political career of John Edwards may be over, but on a positive note, he’s still in the running for Dick Move of the Decade, running neck and neck with fellow Hair Club for Men client Rod Blagojevich.
By Tommy Danger