BREAKING NEWS: Obama Cancels July 4th as Part of Budget Cuts

"Clearly, Obama has cancelled July 4th because he is not American, and does not remember how on that day, the Union won the Civil War" - Anonymous Tea Party member

WASHINGTON – As the House of Representatives, the Senate and the White House continue fighting over budget cuts, there seems to be one thing that everyone agrees on: July 4th is too expensive and must be canceled.

Possibly to show its degree of seriousness is about slashing deficits, Congress has decided to keep working and eliminate the July 4th holiday.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,” stated the President. “We celebrate this same holiday every year, eat the same food, see the same mother-in-law that we hate – no offense, Michelle. Can’t we try something different for a change, and maybe celebrate July 5th, or  July 6th, or another date?”

President Obama sees the cancellation of the holiday as due punishment for Congress’ recent behavior. He scolded the House of Representatives and the Senate this past week for taking so long to raise the debt ceiling; Congress, however, retorted that Obama was turning into a meritorious “Vacationer-in-Chief.” In the uniquely Washingtonian spirit of acting like a spoiled child, the President has decided to “turn this car around” and teach Congress a lesson.

Canceling the July 4th holiday will save states and cities billions of dollars in money that would have normally been spent on Chinese fireworks and large brass bands. However, Congress has overlooked the long-term damage that canceling the July 4th holiday will cause. Hamburger and hotdog companies all across the country depend on the midsummer holiday to gain that extra edge at the beginning of the third quarter.

Not only has the President forced Congressmen to remain at work, but he has also issued an executive order that all state government officials proceed to work as well. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie took it as a personal affront that Obama would be interrupting his July 4th barbeque. “Do you know HOW HARD I work every 4th to prepare the grill? Do you know how many burgers I get to chow down on that day when nobody’s watching me?”

Calls to the rest of the Obama family were not returned, as they have apparently left the President by himself and have snuck out of the White House to grill and watch fireworks with the Navy SEAL team that killed Bin Laden.

By Kenny Heidt


Posted by on Jul 4 2011. Filed under Administration, Headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

2 Comments for “BREAKING NEWS: Obama Cancels July 4th as Part of Budget Cuts”

  1. Erika

    Idiot. It’s a joke. A parody?

  2. billy

    Obama is out of his mind

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