Berlusconi Demands Italian Citizenship for Pauly D and “The Situation”
ROME – Silvio Berlusconi, the third-longest serving Prime Minister in Italy ’s history and well-known consumer of underage prostitutes, is yet again making headlines. In a surprise move to pop culture analysts and wannabe reality TV stars all over the world, Prime Minister Berlusconi has requested that Pauly D and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, of the popular MTV show “Jersey Shore” give up their citizenship rights in the U.S. and officially become citizens of Italy.
Berlusconi has sent a certified letter of entreaty straight to President Obama concerning this particular circumstance, and is hoping to have them back in the country as soon as they are finished shooting season four of “Jersey Shore” in Seaside Heights .
An unidentified source has informed us that in the event President Obama will not acquiesce to his request, the prime minister will offer Obama the film rights to Pinocchio along with a couple cases of pasta sauce, in exchange for the dynamic guido duo.
Although this appeal may come as somewhat of a shock to some people, Berlusconi has a history of fascination regarding those with supremely tan bodies. On November 6th, 2008, two days after Obama was elected the first African-American U.S. President, Berlusconi complimented Obama on his suntan.
“I will try to help relations between Russia and the United States where a new generation has come to power,” said Berlusconi. “I don’t see problems for Medvedev to establish good relations with Obama because he is young, handsome and even tanned; therefore I think that cooperation can be developed.”
Although the media relations team for the prime minister refused to comment on the “situation,” The Washington Fancy did have an opportunity to chat with Berlusconi for a couple of minutes before he had to leave for a mani/pedi at the local day spa.
“I want these kids back in Italy and I want them here to stay. When they were filming that reality show, it was some of the finest entertainment I have ever seen in my life,” said Berlusconi. “This is coming from someone who paid 20 juvenile women to dance the Bunga Bunga in front of me for eight straight hours.”
Obviously eager to further discuss his “ Jersey Shore ” obsession, Berlusconi continued, “For shit’s sake, Pauly D has a new clothing line to promote. Why would you want to market your new line of Couture shirts and denim to a bunch of fatties from South Jersey when you can launch the label properly in one of the world’s foremost strongholds of chic fashion and exquisite taste? And the Situation? Holy hell do I love that guy! All that magnificent bastard had to do to corral ass was take his damn shirt off. They would flock to him like Sarkozy flocks to a plate of crepes.”
Berlusconi did admit at one point that he was very worried the pair may have gotten injured one night when they were out womanizing, as he overheard a reference to a “grenade.” Fortunately, one of Berlusconi’s nephews watches the show and explained to his uncle that they were just talking about a girl who was not very attractive; to which Berlusconi replied, “That is fucking hilarious.”
By Lorenzo Rearden