Obama Orders Drone Strikes on Casey Anthony
Top – Casey Anthony, alleged killer; Bottom – Predator Drone, established killer
WASHINGTON—After the public outcry following yesterday’s acquittal of Casey Anthony, President Barack Obama gave the orders for a CIA strike on Anthony with unmanned drones, traditionally used in fighting Islamic terrorists abroad.
In Orlando, the Florida jury’s verdict acquitting Anthony of murdering her daughter Caylee, brought multitudes of affluent tabloid television viewers onto news and social networking websites to register their outrage yesterday afternoon. “The failure to convict the murderer of that poor little white girl is the greatest miscarriage of justice since the Rodney King verdict,” Provo, Utah grease trap cleaner, Stu Benton, said in a representative comment on his Myspace page. “But even bigger. That was only three-fifths as bad as this.”
Fearing civil unrest amid a stagnant economy in an election season, Obama is said to have made the decision to use unmanned Predator drones “immediately” after the verdict was reached.
“Miss Anthony has been tried and found guilty in the court of public opinion,” Obama said in a prepared statement at a press conference this morning, “and now due justice must be carried out.” The drones, previously used in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen, and Somalia, will scour the Florida panhandle with orders to track down Casey Anthony’s senior leadership, including Anthony, her parents George and Cindy, and family members of her attorney, Jose Baez, and his legal team.
When asked by ABC correspondent Jake Tapper if the order to assassinate American citizens within their country’s own borders was “sort of illegal,” Obama scoffed.
“We’re talking about a tyrant that’s murdered her own people—” he began.
“Daughter, allegedly,” Tapper corrected.
“You and your details,” Obama sneered. “Look, if it’s good enough for Nancy Grace, it’s good enough for me. What use is the law if it doesn’t confirm the prejudices of a fickle and easily manipulated public?”
Obama went on. “I’ve already given orders to kill an American whose name most people can’t pronounce,” he said, referring to suspected Al Qaeda operative Anwar al-Awlaki. “You think I’d hesitate for someone whose name we can’t get out of our head?”
The wider national response was largely supportive of the President’s efforts. “I was incredibly angry when a S.W.A.T. team raided my house and shot my husband in the face in front of our eight-year-old son,” said Phoenix, Arizona resident Polly Madison, “But if the President can get that awful woman, all is forgiven.”
“It’ll be a great victory for justice, if not the justice system,” said Andrew Smith of Atlanta, Georgia, recently released from prison following ten years on death row after being wrongfully accused of killing his family in a house fire. “The whole time my appeals were going through the pipeline, I followed the Anthony case, and I thought, ‘if they can get her, this will all be worth it.’”
Congress meanwhile went to work on addressing concerns stemming from the case, in conjunction with a recently passed bipartisan legislation, 433-2, entitled “Casey’s Law”. Once enacted, the new legislation will determine the guilt of murder suspects based on their number of Google listings.
“We had to cut off negotiations on the debt ceiling for this,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner, “for which we make no apologies. It is important that both parties can come together and agree on the issues that really matter, where Congress’s priorities reflect that of the American people.”
By Doug Limey
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Posted by Doug Limey
on Jul 6 2011. Filed under Administration, Headlines.
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