Cantor Rejects Obama’s Offer of First Born Daughter Malia in Exchange for Higher Debt Limit


"Now Malia, as much as I love you, you're still not as important as the budget. I promise mommy and I will visit you on weekends."

WASHINGTON – With the debt limit fast approaching, and negotiations between Congressional Republicans and the White House becoming frayed, President Obama has ratcheted up his offer in the negotiations. After House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) rejected the president’s previous offers, Obama raised the stakes by offering Cantor his first-born, Malia, in exchange for raising the debt ceiling.

“Let me be clear: I love my two daughters, and I love them equally, but I understand that sacrifices must be made to prevent the nation from defaulting on its debt,” said the President boldly.

The president’s new offer was unexpected, but played into the nature of the recent debt ceiling negotiations. The US Treasury has indicated that they will reach the limit on August 2nd, and major credit ratings agencies are already warning that they would downgrade the United States’ credit rating if an increase in the limit were not approved. Tensions on Capitol Hill and the White House have been running high recently, as the negotiations over raising the limit have yet to produce a deal.

Although the Speaker of the House, Rep. John Boehner is officially representing Republicans in Congress, Cantor has recently become the center of attention during their negotiations at the White House. He has so far rejected several of the president’s offers, and had previously left a negotiation led by Vice President Biden.

Rep. Cantor ran out of the meeting once it was adjourned to reach the gathered press first, where he said, “The president’s latest offer was to give me his first-born child. I reject that offer, and the American people reject that offer. There is no doubt that the adoption process by my wife and I would require the involvement of several government agencies, and I refuse to have the government waste that money.” Cantor and his wife already have three children.

“Even though I refuse to budge one iota on anything in negotiations with the president and think he is an existential threat to this nation, I thank him for recognizing that I am the most important person in the room,” the Congressman said as he began laughing maniacally.

By David Epstein


Posted by on Jul 16 2011. Filed under Headlines. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

2 Comments for “Cantor Rejects Obama’s Offer of First Born Daughter Malia in Exchange for Higher Debt Limit”

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