Projector Commits Suicide After Being Forced to Show Sarah Palin’s New Movie
LOS ANGELES – This last weekend marked the opening for the new Sarah Palin documentary The Undefeated in a number of major US cities. The reactions to the film so far have been mostly negative, and indeed even tragic, as one projector, who was forced to play the film for a midnight showing, killed himself.
“It’s a sad day here at the Regal 14 movie theater, where one of our own passed on to the other side,” said the theater’s assistant manager Chad. “The last thing I remember is seeing the credits roll and hearing the projector scream something about the British coming, and that we must warn them, before hearing a deafening shotgun blast.”
Friends of the deceased are devastated by the projector’s actions, but noted that they were not all that shocked, as no educated person could sit through a movie with a zero percent rating on “Rotten Tomatoes.” They described the projector’s two favorite things as Harry Potter and factual statements, and by showing The Undefeated, the projector missed out on both.
“I peeked into the projection room during a point in the film where Sarah Palin was healing the sick and rising into the clouds. I found him sharpening a knife, crying, and muttering something about not knowing the fate of Voldemort. I should have stopped the film, but those 4 people in the seats really seemed to be enjoying themselves.”
The projector’s family requests that donations be sent to the Educating the Children of Alaska Fund in lieu of flowers.
By Chris Todd