Canada to Pawlenty: “Stop using hockey to promote your campaign”

"If I had to pinpoint the single greatest accomplishment of my life, it would be playing left-bench on my high school's junior varsity ice hockey team." - Tim Pawlenty

TORONTO — Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has asked presidential candidate Tim Pawlenty to refrain from any future references to hockey in his quest to gain the 2012 Republican nomination. “We would prefer that our national game not be associated with the political mess in America. Leave our game out of your problems,” said Harper.

This request is the second hockey-related blow to hit the Pawlenty campaign in a week. Late last week, ABC Sports claimed that Pawlenty’s use of footage from the 1980 ‘Miracle on Ice’ Game violated copyright law. The footage, which was part of Pawlenty’s “The American Comeback” commercial, helped portray the struggling candidate as the underdog who has what it takes to reclaim American glory from evil socialist forces.

Pawlenty has injected hockey throughout his campaign. Many of his commercials have been filmed in a hockey rink outside of Eveleth, Minnesota. Additionally, he has insisted that campaign staffers wear Pawlenty hockey jerseys at campaign stops.

Prime Minister Harper, an amateur hockey historian, noted that the NAFTA agreement does not provide Pawlenty with a legal basis to usurp hockey for political purposes. The agreement provides Mexico exclusive rights to use soccer and the United States exclusive rights to use baseball for political purposes. “You certainly aren’t going to see me use footage of Joe Carter’s homerun that won the Blue Jays a world championship when I announce that we have a lower unemployment that America,” remarked Harper. “I’m not going to go against the treaty.”

Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, proudly wearing her dad's hockey Jersey, which he gave to her after his shirt size became an XXXL.

Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, daughter of former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee and a senior campaign adviser to Pawlenty, has pledged to wear her jersey every day until the Iowa caucuses. “Carrie Underwood was pictured in US Magazine wearing her husband’s jersey [NHL Player Mike Fischer] and I figured if the stars can do it, so can I,” she told reporters in Des Moines. “Plus it looks cute with when I cinch up the corner with a hair scrunchy.”

Political consultants are amazed at Pawenty’s continuous, and seemingly un-American use of hockey in his campaign.  “It has been clear for some time that very few Americans are interested in hockey, especially those from Phoenix or Florida.  It strikes me as insanity for his campaign to continue with this theme,” commented former Bush advisor Karl Rove. “I mean, it would be a great strategy if North Dakota and Maine had a bunch of electoral votes, and there were people still living in Michigan, but now that the football season is saved, I’m not sure why his campaign has not shifted themes and gone with something more along the lines of Rudy or Little Giants.”

Voters echoed Rove’s assessment of the campaign. “If he was looking for something more effective to reach guys like me, there is another story of a down and out American coming back and teaching the socialists like Obama a lesson,” said Philadelphia pipefitter Al Pluskota as he sat at Manny and Phil’s Pub. “It’s called Rocky IV.”

By Constable Perkins

Posted by on Jul 26 2011. Filed under Election 2012. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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