Middle-Eastern Women Left Unsatisfied by Obama’s Pull-Out Method
"He gives us a little of what we want, and then just walks out on us. I thought he was different. Clearly, he just wanted to 'hit it and quit it.'" - Anonymous Afghani woman
KABUL – Things are heating up in the Middle East – and it’s not the temperature. The once burqa-clad ladies of Afghanistan and Iraq have been spotted in clam-digger pants and with their hair in up-do’s. To the surprise of critics, they have credited American and allied forces’ efforts to qualm terrorism as the impetus for this new attitude.
“It will get us into a very sticky, messy spot,” Abdhula Saleem, head of New Dawn Ladies Club remarked, “if Obama just pulls out on us. Women of the Middle East have gone wild. They have become comfortable with their newfound freedoms under a slightly more democratic rule.”
Under harsh Taliban and Sharia law, a woman can be caned for exposing herself too much. However, under the new lax system, women have been asking to be caned while exposing themselves.
Dr. Rajesh Patel-Smith from UCLA Long Beach, director of Women’s Studies and Ladies Golf captain warns of “too much Western excess, too soon. What used to be stern observances to century old law now is pushed to the wayside for Afghani Idol tryouts and Who Wants to be a Kabulionaire qualifiers.”
The first schools for women have opened their doors. Muslim women are now free to learn to dance, sing, read, write, do hair and nails and get divorces without getting stoned; they can also now get stoned. According to TV Bi-Monthly, the HARPO network is planning Real Housewives of Kandahar. Women of Afghanistan have not overexploited their newfound freedoms, although they fear such privileges may soon be confiscated.
In an Al-Jazeera-CNN-Quinnipiac Poll, 85% of polled Afghan women feel they are freer than ever. Of the women who felt free, 66% claim it is thanks to Obama capturing Osama. A similar percentage fears retribution if their oppressors are allowed to regain power in the region. Worse yet, they may lose their televisions.
But the love affair with the American president goes further than just gracious recognition by Afghan ladies. A newly-leaked, Intraweb viral video from Afghanistan features three young ladies shedding their burqas and dancing in unison to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.”
Professor of Sociology and Western Infidel Culture at the new Jalalabad Women’s College and Hair Removal Salon, Farah al-Sikhenme, explains the phenomenon; “Just as these women are reaching their climax, the man is pulling out for good. Our women are learning and growing in ways never before imagined, and by removing himself from the situation, Obama is acting like democracy is just a one-night stand. He is leaving these women thoroughly unsatisfied, sour-tempered, and naturally, in need of more.”
By Shaun Kunz
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Posted by Shaun Kunz
on Sep 2 2011. Filed under International.
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this is by far the funniest article i have ever read
Thanks….
I would totally let Obama you know what inside of me. Getting knocked up by the pres would set me for life.