Supreme Court Leaves Perry One Execution Away from Guinness World Record
WASHINGTON – This week, the United States Supreme Court halted the execution of a Texas man who is responsible for murdering two people in 1997. In reality, the Court’s decision was never about moral or legal grounds; it was about preventing Governor Perry from executing his 235th criminal, which would have given him the Guinness Record for executions under a US Governor.
Governor Perry has overseen 234 executions during his tenure as Governor of Texas, and he was hoping to get to 235 this week, breaking a record set by Governor Muerte of Arizona back in the 60s. Governor Perry told The Washington Fancy, “Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve dreamed off this moment. Some people dream of becoming astronauts or police men. Me? I wanted to be Governor so I could execute a whole bunch’a criminals.”
The main stream media and liberals around the country have been arguing that Governor Perry’s execution record is “horrible and shows signs of a mad man with too much power and too little compassion.” However, a Tea Party spokesman retorted that “those bleeding heart liberals need to shut their mouths before we convict them, too. We can do that in Texas, you know.” When asked to explain further, the spokesmen continued, “Texan doctors have proven that liberalism is a form of mental illness.”
The Supreme Court has not set a date for when they will review the trial of the inmate on death row, leaving Governor Perry’s record hanging in limbo. However, there are several dozen more inmates on death row with execution dates coming up, so Governor Perry believes the record will eventually be his. “I know in my heart that I will get the record. It’s what God put me on this Earth to do. He wants me to get to 235. So it will happen.”