DoJ Denies Spending $16/ Muffin for Breakfast; “It Was $16 for a Muffin AND Juice”
WASHINGTON – Blogs and other internet forums erupted last week when an audit of the Department of Justice revealed that muffins provided for a morning conference cost the government $16 each. The DoJ immediately refuted the findings to quell any outrage over the apparent overspending. Further research into the books showed that it was a simple misunderstanding; the list price was for ‘muffins’ was actually a complete breakfast of a muffin and a juice for the now seemingly low price of $16.
“The auditors missed that the $16 amount was for an entire breakfast plate,” said Attorney General Eric Holder. “The Department would never spend that much on a single muffin without at least an option of orange or apple juice on the side – unless they had chocolate chip muffins; I love those. I’ll give you 20 bucks from the FBI’s petty cash fund right now for one.”
Congress has been battling over government spending for additional cuts in the future, and Americans were hoping the muffin incident could spark a fire to get policy moving on that front. However, the public can clearly see the government is spending their money more wisely than initially thought.
“I was a little worried that the GOP was right about government overspending,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “The DoJ assured me that the United States’ money was not just going to muffins. Plus breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and we in the Senate pay way more than that for our dinners, so it’s probably fine.”
The Department of Justice also pointed out that it actually saved money from some of the more expensive options offered by the conference caterer. The $16 muffin and juice was considerably less expensive than the $28 croissant, tea, and figgy pudding they had enjoyed in previous years. The Attorney General apologized at a press function for the auditors’ mistake in leaving out crucial information. He then whispered something to his chief of staff about being glad the auditors missed the receipts for weekly filet mignon night and something barely audible about chocolate chips.
By Chris Todd