Dr. Emmitt L. Brown Kills Muammar Gaddafi
Dr. Emmitt L. Brown killed Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi on Tuesday in response to a botched 1985 assassination attempt on the doctor in a Hill Valley, California parking lot.
“This closes a long, dark chapter of my life,” said Brown before administering the final deathblow with the metal fist on the end of Old Biff’s cane. “Revenge is now mine.”
Brown was avenging an attempt on his life nearly 27 years ago. The 1985 assassination attempt had occurred when Dr. Brown had promised a group of Libyan terrorists tied to Gaddafi that he would build them a bomb with their excess plutonium. Instead, he had given the Libyan organization a fake bomb loaded with busted pinball machine parts. The Libyans found him at 1:15 a.m. on October 25, 1985.
“I was showing Marty [McFly] my new DeLorean and Mister Fusion, when these Libyans shot me 50 times and tried to kill Marty with a bazooka. Good thing I was wearing that bulletproof vest due to raging Deus Ex Machina plot devices.”
Brown would serve a 20-year sentence in prison for trafficking illegal plutonium and time traveling without a permit from the State of California. The assassination attempt of Brown left him in-and-out of the hospital for years. He had also contacted various individuals at the State Department about this assassination attempt, but government officials denied that Gaddafi had any involvement.
Still Brown and McFly found clues to the Libyan dictator’s involvement in the assassination attempt after they found personal letters from Gadaffi to the assassins in the photo print stand into which their van had crashed.
“He never let it go,” said Brown’s wife, Clara Clayton. “He said that he knew Gaddafi was the man behind those bullets. I couldn’t talk him out of it. I think he is now finally at peace with himself.”
Despite the absolute chaos this story has caused and the 14 alternative universes that probably now exist after Brown created the Flux Capacitor, not every sees this event as one of Brown’s control. Some fan boys of Back to the Future have argued that the films trilogy actually is a story about our world’s true destiny, and that Gaddafi’s death is part of a larger story line that we as human beings cannot control.
“This was the story that viewers of Back the Future never got to see,” said Christopher Lloyd Fan Club President Michael Harmburger. “You see, in the original sequel, Back to the Future 2, Gaddafi was killed by Dr. Emmitt L. Brown. This freed Libya and allows it to become the global manufacturer of flying automobiles by the year 2013… It later became part of the comic book Back to the Future: Death of a Tyrant. This story leads to the actual sequel. Yada yada yada… The Cubs win the World Series in 2015 after Theo Epstein takes over the team. It’s all in the original script. This is our destiny.”
Marty McFly was unavailable for comment.
By Garrett Baldwin
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Posted by Garrett Baldwin
on Oct 20 2011. Filed under International.
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Can’t resist the Back to the Future opportunity, nice. In a strange twist, I wrote that the New Libya already apologized for his slaying in the first one….