NATO Unleashes Dog The Bounty Hunter On Gaddafi
TRIPOLI – In yesterday’s mission that successfully acquired and terminated Muammar Gaddafi, NATO forces acquired permission from the United States to deploy Dog the Bounty Hunter to Libya.
Dog the Bounty Hunter has become world-renowned for his canny ability to hunt down fugitives the world over and bring them to justice. It came as no surprise, then, when the International Criminal Court hired Dog to track down Gaddafi and put an end to his humanitarian crimes.
The Washington Fancy sat down with the Bounty Hunter’s crew for exclusive coverage of the operation:
Before embarking on his top-secret assignment, Duane “Dog” Chapman received intel concerning Gaddafi’s whereabouts from high-level Pentagon officials. Together with the Navy’s elite SEAL Team Six, Dog rehearsed for the raid in a mock compound, an exact replica of Gaddafi’s palace.
Dog entered Libya through the porous Egyptian border with his wife Beth and three children, headed toward Benghazi to rally the troops, and then embarked toward the capital of Tripoli. Dog and his crew pulled into Tripoli in the early morning; the African heat was nothing new for them, since it closely resembled the weather of their native Hawaii.
The Bounty Hunter crew was well equipped to deal with the Libyan Army, being armed with cans of Mace: it was their secret weapon. They fought back legions of Libyan soldiers with simple squirts of the spray to the face (Having now witnessed the power of the weapon, the U.S. is reconsidering arming Predator Drones with cans of Mace instead of conventional missiles).
As Dog made his way into the city of Sirte, he fought hand-to-hand against the dictator’s female bodyguards, who were wearing their colorful floral robes that Gaddafi personally picked out for them. The guards fought tooth and nail and nearly had the Dog pinned down, when – thank heavens – Beth came to the rescue and body-slammed, or rather breast-slammed them.
Dog ran through a hail of bullets and made for a graffiti-stained set of concrete pipes. Inside, covered in rubble and smelling of urine, was the Bounty Hunter’s target.
Rumors are now surfacing in Washington that NATO may have also dispatched Tony Stark, a.k.a. “Ironman,” to lead a coalition force that linked up with Dog and ultimately seized find the Libyan dictator.
By Kenny Heidt