Libyan Leader Requests Permanent NATO Presence
BRUSSELS – Following the death of Muammar Gaddafi and the subsequent end to the civil war in Libya, Western media reported that Chairman of the National Transition Council Mustafa Abdul Jalil begged NATO forces to “stay forever, and never ever leave us or stop spending large quantities of money on your military and economic ties here.”
Although appearing on no Arabic-language channels, this news has been seized by NATO as proof that “people totally want us intervening.”
Asked to comment on this latest possibly-fake request by the Libyan transitional government, NATO General Secretary Anders Fogh-Rasmussen declared this a “great day for NATO and for the West – clearly a region where our priorities lie.”
“NATO has always made a point of staying far too long and spending far too much money on open-ended commitments in foreign and strange places. We hope to continue this proud tradition in Libya,” said Fogh-Rasmussen.
One official stated that this was truly an auspicious occasion, as it gave the alliance the unofficial go-ahead for the next round of Libyan operations – a massively expensive ground occupation by NATO troops. Current projections show up to 50,000 NATO troops will be brought into the country.
“This plan would hit two critical strategic objectives for our mission in Libya. First, it would greatly alienate the Libyan population and create many hardships for their people – which we will help to offset with more troops, of course,” said Fogh-Rasmussen. “Second, it would cost obscene amounts of money at a time when governments everywhere are struggling to pass austerity budgets. I think we’ve really thought this plan through, and I’m glad it will soon come to fruition.”
By J. Gordon Witte