Gingrich Comes Out of Republican Closet, Confesses He’s a Liberal
WASHINGTON — After accusing Paul Ryan and other budget hawks of right wing social engineering on Meet the Press and advocated a form of the insurance mandate called for in the (in)famous(?) Health Care Bill, Newt Gingrich’s conservative credentials have come under fire.
After shooting a few cheaply made videos in his own defense, the former Speaker of the House was seen walking down the steps of the Lincoln memorial with a donkey lapel pin.
“The cat’s out of the bag.” exclaimed Gingrich with tears in his eyes, tightly gripping his fair trade latte.
“Since midway through my term as Speaker, I have had certain feelings about the other side of the aisle. The kind that you keep as a secret from your hard boiled, conservative, military family for years on end. The sort that you don’t want the other boys in the schoolyard to know about lest they attempt to stone you.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, I cannot stand in the darkness any longer, I am a Democrat.”
Upon saying this he was reportedly seen tearing off his suit to reveal a green and purple tie die t-shirt.
Registered Republican, Psychiatrist, and expert on multiple personality disorder, Dr. Franz Heidenbach, agreed to speak with The Washington Fancy.
“I alvays did sespect, Herr Gingrich hat a problem, bot I did not ghrealize the extent to which he suffered. Herr Gingrich ist indeed a Democrat, vas seence infancy, but zie stress imposed on him fromm earlich childchood forced him to erect a stronger, more Republican verzion of himself that simply took over and fooled him and a nation.”
“Zeese ist nott a breakdown, but it ist a time auf heeling fur him so lange az he does not relapse und bekum a Republican tomorrow morgen.”
Donald Trump demands Dr. Heidenbach’s long-form birth certificate.
By NE Wasp