Germany Willing to Wage War on Greece, Europe
BERLIN—The failing economy of Greece has the potential to wreak havoc on European and global financial markets. In its pleas for assistance, Greece has noted that its falter will likely depress the value of the Euro, and with Europe under such an economic crunch, Germany is left holding the decision to save or destroy the union.
“We could save Greece and the union,” said economist Herman Liderhosen. “It would be easy to bail them out, but we need to get rid of the weak links. We are even willing to go a step further and temporarily annex Greece from the European Union in order to restore its economic prosperity and military fortitude.”
Others blame Germany for some of troubles the European Union faces. “Germany has been inflexible with the way it handles the Euro,” said Polish economist Alfons Malinowski. “We could have printed and minted more Euros, but Germany said no. We don’t want them driving their armored cars down our streets and flying their airplanes over our cities. We want a solution, not a blitz of cash.”
“Polls show that Germans don’t support bailing out the European Union,” said Christian Wulff, President of Germany. “But if we have to spread our influence across Europe, then we will. If we must become a financial war machine, we will. Everyone will fear… I mean appreciate us.”
By Peter Coburn