Privileged 25-Year-Old Inspires the Nation
Withersworth poses in a photo shoot for the upcoming film "Wall Street 3: I Still Don't Have Enough Money"
GREENWICH, CT — Millions of Americans had their hope for the future rekindled when Christian Prescott Withersworth III fulfilled all expectations of obtaining a job, a hot wife, and piles of money.
In an exclusive TWF interview, Withersworth explained how his difficult childhood could have broken him, but instead molded him into the pretentious WASP he is today.
“It was very hard growing up in Greenwich, Connecticut and vacationing on The Vineyard [Martha's],” Withersworth confessed. ”I mean, having two beautiful, successful parents who adore each other – and me – is a lot of pressure. Not to mention the stress of deciding between Yale, Harvard, and Princeton when I was six.”
Withersworth cites his personal weekly therapist as the most inspirational figure in his young adulthood, besides his live-in nanny/personal trainer.
Despite the turmoil of his fairy-tale relationship with fiancee Buffy Keaton, senior class president and two-time Miss America winner, Withersworth claims their gin-fueled love remains strong. ”I almost broke it off when she told me her second cousin once-removed dated a Puerto Rican, but then The New Yorker ran an article on interracial couples, so I knew it was in vogue.”
Withersworth’s story has encouraged many citizens to have hope in their futures.
“I find Withersworth inspirational,” Jasmine Vals, a homeless, 18-year-old mother of two reported. ”When he talks about deciding whether to be a lawyer or a doctor, or describes crashing his seventh BMW, it really puts my problems in perspective.”
“I never dreamed I could inherit piles of money and use my family connections to get into political office,” Alabama homeowner Joe Schmo admitted. ”Now I know anything is possible. If he can do it, with all he’s been through, hell, so can I.”
By Delia Hersh
Posted by DHersh
on Nov 11 2011. Filed under Off The Hill
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