RNC Awakens Walt Disney from Cryogenic Sleep to Lead the Country
THE MAGIC KINGDOM—Disney conspiracy theorists everywhere have a reason to clap today and treat the rest of the world to that phrase, “I told you so,” as Walter Elias Disney (1901-1966-? ) has been reawakened from his forty-five year slumber to save America.
After Trump, Huckabee, and others voluntarily or involuntarily axed themselves from the GOP presidential lineup, ranking members of the GOP knew they needed a 2012 game-changer. It was then that the fateful decision was made.
The RNC picked up the phone and dialed the office of the Anaheim Republican Committee, who in turn contacted the more conservative members of the Disney family. After several hours of bargaining, the decision was made to see if the sixty-five year old would like to give the presidency a go after being rushed to the hospital and given various tests, including an MRI, physical and CAT scan. When it became clear that he no longer needed life-support, he received some immunizations to “update” his medical records and set on his way.
RNC Chairman Reince Priebus spoke with The Washington Fancy about this development:
“Well, I just got off the phone with Mr. Disney. He’s doing well, all things considered. He isn’t very pleased with the fact his company has turned into a “strumpet factory.” As for the Presidency, he said he wouldn’t mind gunning for it. We realize he had no real political career during his, um, “former life,” but we think he has a chance to make waves. He’s a good singer. He ran a business. He has greater name recognition than the current president which is something none of his primary opponents can boast. He also has the uncanny ability to make children smile.”
Conservative think tanks such as the Heritage Foundation and the American Enterprise Institute have already pledged their support to his cause along with the writing staff of National Review. This should come as no surprise to Mr. Disney in his bid for the presidency; rumor has it that he even helped convince Ronald Reagan to enter politics.
That isn’t to say that everything will be fun and games for Mr. Disney. So far his kidneys, liver and occipital lobe are not fully operational. His top financial consultant, brother Roy Oliver Disney (1893-1971-?), is having greater difficulty leaving his state of suspended animation. Walt’s unabashed and well documented love of Abraham Lincoln might also hurt his polling in the south.
Nevertheless, Disney is all smiles with his uncanny American optimism. His only major concern is how quickly the Disney Company will be able to get the “Hall of Presidents” attraction in the Magic Kingdom refurbished after his presidential victory over “that crazy liberal Irishman, Obama.”
By NE Wasp