British Government Falls in Snap Election, Ebeneezer Scrooge Elected New PM
By David Epstein
LONDON—The United Kingdom was stunned today when a routine political maneuver upended the entire elected power structure in this nation. Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron has been facing criticism for his imposition of an austerity budget meant to cope with Britain’s troubled fiscal situation, as well as his handling of a recent vote by the European Union meant to rescue that faltering institution.
Cameron’s Conservative Party had a plurality in Parliament, but not a majority. They had formed a coalition with the more left-wing Liberal Democrats after the election last year that drove the Labour Party out of power after more than a decade, but that alliance was showing signs of strain. Liberal Democrat Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister, publicly voiced his opposition with Cameron’s position and handling of the European Union vote, in which a critical measure passed despite England’s veto.
Facing this situation, Cameron called a snap election, a political power play usually done when a Prime Minister believes that he has more support from the voters than is represented in the Parliament. If done correctly, it achieves a greater share of seats in Parliament for the Prime Minister. However, in a sudden and shocking turn of events, voters gave a majority to the previously unknown Dickensian Party, who in turn elected Ebeneezer Scrooge as Britain’s new Prime Minister.
Mr. Scrooge is a political novice and previously owned his own small business in London. He and the Dickensians campaigned on a message of fiscal austerity, social libertarianism, and a distant relationship with the European Union. Queen Elizabeth invited Mr. Scrooge to Buckingham Palace after the election results were finalized, and called on him to form a new government. The gray and rain soaked skies of London echoed a sentiment of despair and isolation felt across the nation since the financial crisis began three years ago.
“Our nation is near bankrupt,” said Mr. Scrooge to a party gathering as early election results indicated a landslide victory. “We must tighten our belts, and endure this long and cold winter on our island by ourselves. We will not give our hard earned money to Europe, and should not expect them to give us theirs. Take heed! Our survival rests on our hard work alone, and with no charity for those who are just looking for a handout!”
The first act of the new Scrooge government was to turn off the lights on the large Christmas Tree outside the Houses of Parliament. A government spokesman explained that “the electric bills, in this time of national austerity, were a frivolous luxury that we can ill afford.”