LeBron James to Take His Talents to the White House
MIAMI — No television special this time on ESPN, but the sports world is taken by surprise yet again by LeBron “King” James. James is seeking to trade in his royal title for that of Commander-in-Chief.
James’ startling career change comes in the wake of yesterday’s announcement that the NBA has cancelled the first two weeks of the upcoming season. No stranger to the media circus, this divisive star is entering what can only be considered an eclectic GOP Presidential field.
“It is never bad to have a backup plan,” James said. Due to the NBA’s crippling work stoppage, the Miami Heat small forward is committed to getting the season back on track. LeBron and his team of advisors are currently putting together a truly unique plan to deal with the current lockout.
To the objective observer, James would seem to lack the public service pedigree that is traditionally associated with a presidential nominee. “I came into the NBA straight out of high school. I do not see the difference. My thing is if you have the talent, you have the talent,” James said, “and the bottom line is I have the talent.”
LeBron came out critically of President Obama’s overhaul of the healthcare system, calling it “a government take over.” He has vowed to repeal “Obamacare” in favor of his own brand of reform that he was in charge of implementing in Cleveland last summer known as “I-Don’t-Care.”
GOP strategists are excited at his chances of splitting the African-American vote and beating President Obama in a game of one on one, something that the current field seems unable to do. LeBron would seem to have the potential to be a record setting fundraiser. This past summer he signed a nine-figure deal, and is a spokesperson for Nike and Vitamin Water. He will no doubt use his “personal brand” to attempt an aggressive fundraising strategy to leave the rest of the field the field in the dust.
Longtime GOP operative Karl Rove has his reservations about a LeBron James candidacy. “He will surely need to find a running mate capable of getting Ohio’s 20 electoral vote,” Rove said, “not to mention Florida’s 27.”
It has already been reported that James has promised cabinet positions to every Republican contender. James announced, “I have carried Zydrunas Illgauskas my entire career. How bad can Newt Gingrich be?”
By Jason Harris