MSNBC Trades Ed Schultz for an Intern to Be Named Later
By Garrett Baldwin
NEW YORK — A shocking development in TV news commentary surfaced today as MSNBC traded Ed Schultz to the Food Network for an intern to be named later.
Terms and conditions will be finalized by the weekend, and Schultz is expected to report to FN headquarters in New York City by midnight. The shocking trade follows a tumultuous few weeks for Schultz after his recent suspension for making derogatory remarks about fellow conservative radio hosts.
Schultz was not available for comment, but representatives for the liberal talk show host were hardly surprised by the news. MSNBC has reportedly been shopping Schultz to other networks in order to open up a timeslot for “Hangin’ with Michael Steele”. Talks between MSNBC and the ESPN broke down last week after Kenny Mayne decided to exercise his no-trade clause that runs through 2014. MSNBC had also approached ABC about the possibility of a swap for Joy Behar of The View. However, Elisabeth Hasselbeck burned down her trailer in protest, and threatened to go “Kerouac on everybody’s ass” if “that man” joined the all-female talk show.
The Food Network will send a 2012 intern from the Scripps Networks Internship Program after the student has been selected for assignment. Meanwhile, Schultz is expected to continue to host The Ed Schultz Show on the Food Network through July 2011. The show will then be “beefed up” with more commentary about how Republicans are preventing Americans from being able to gain universal access to baby back ribs, how George Bush is responsible for Gordon Ramsey being so loud and angry, and how to properly bake and glaze a cake that allows a person to congratulate himself on his own narrow political opinions and view of the world.
“I can’t think of any place better than the Food Network for this guy,” said Republican strategist Thad Wilkinson IV. “Maybe he’ll stuff his face and stop screaming about conservatives for 15 seconds.”
Calls to MSNBC and the Food Network were not returned as of deadline. However, The Washington Fancy did speak to an intern at MSNBC, and she seemed happy to hear that someone was on the way to help her with “all of this goddamned filing.”