Americans Stage Mass Government Protest
EVERYWHERE, USA – Thursday evening, millions of Americans united to oppose the entity threatening their happiness: government.
“The government bites, so we’re boycotting it,” Michigan resident Drew Pinciotti said. “I am sick of hearing about it all the time, so
this means war.” Pinciotti declined to further explain himself, or what a government boycott actually meant.
While it is unclear exactly why this government boycott is happening or what it will result in, many participants blame mounting distrust of the government and say they will refuse to vote in the upcoming presidential election.
“I hate the government, so I’m just not going to vote for anyone. Let’s see them win then,” New Yorker Patti LaMont said.
It appears that the disenchanted non-voters are unaware of the fact that as long as someone votes, a winner will still be declared. Additionally, “No one votes anyways, so I don’t see why this is anything new,” said every historian and reporter ever.