McCain Introduces New Cash for Clunkers Program – Used Wife Swap
By Paul Peterson
WASHINGTON D.C.— As an expansion of President Obama’s “Cash for Clunkers” program to trade old cars for energy efficient vehicles, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) wants to provide tax credits to middle-aged and elderly males who want to trade in old, clunky wives for newer, high performance models.
According to McCain, the tax credits would help offset the financial headaches often associated with trading in an old wife.
“Nearly thirty years ago,” McCain said, “when I traded in my first wife, I took a huge financial hit just to get rid of her. Thankfully, my new model was wealthy, so I came out ahead, but not everyone is so lucky.”
Under McCain’s plan, all legal and settlement expenses involved with trading in a wife would be eligible for up to $250,000 in tax credits. “I know this seems like a lot, but wife disposal is an expensive proposition,” said McCain. “The average business executive trading in his old clunker may not be able to afford the extravagant tastes of a new model,” McCain explained.
When asked how long a husband had to keep a wife before she would be classified as a “clunker,” McCain said at least 15 years. “You may get sick of looking at her after only ten years, but you can’t expect the government to bail you out so soon. This isn’t some liberal entitlement program, for Pete’s sake.”
McCain indicated that he might, personally, take advantage of the program. “Even though Cindy is my second wife, she has almost thirty years on her,” said the Senator. “I test drove the new Palin model for a few months back in 2008, and while I didn’t get all the political mileage out of it I had hoped, it did make me aware that Cindy was on the road to clunker-dom.”
Former Speaker of the House and Republican Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich said he supports the legislation. “I’m currently on my third model, and while Callista still looks half decent, she’s really expensive to maintain. I need a wife who has a line of credit at Wal-Mart, not Tiffany’s.”