Supreme Court on Illegals: Planned Parenthood Creates “Natural Born” Citizens
By Jahs Greene
WASHINGTON—As the result of cases brought forth by various groups concerning the “natural born” clause in the US Constitution, the Justices have implemented a new ruling.
In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court determined that the term “natural born citizen” will take on the same application as “born-again Christians.” Thanks to Planned “Born Again” Parenthood, any person can become eligible for natural born citizenship.
Article 2 Section 1 of the US Constitution states that the President must be a natural born citizen of the United States, at least thirty-five-years-old, and a resident of the United States for at least fourteen years.
In recent surveys, many citizens experience confusion regarding the term “natural born.” An anonymous interviewee stated that “Obama was not born to natural US citizens, and he grew up in a country other than the US. I don’t know what to make of these different national allegiances.”
Since the 2008 Presidential election, claims have been made regarding the cultural limitations of Article 2 Section 1 of the Constitution. A common belief among interviewees suggests that many potential candidates for the office of President and Vice President are deemed unqualified because they are not “natural born citizens.” Foreigners do not present the only problem; individuals born in the United States by Caesarean section are not considered “natural born” because this is not deemed natural childbirth.
The recent ruling attempts to address and clarify certain confusions with the hopes of allowing more able presidential candidates. Under the new ruling, any illegal alien who resides in the US or a person born in unnatural ways is eligible to become President if he or she becomes a “born again citizen.”
Many people have voiced their opinions about the inconsistencies regarding what it means to have a natural childbirth. A pregnant US citizen questioned whether her child could become president in the future if she used epidurals to diminish her birthing pain. “I refuse to have a C-section now, but are epidurals just as unnatural?”
Mothers have no need to fret, though; Planned Born-Again Parenthood offers services for women who took part in unnatural birthing procedures and individuals born abroad. In order to qualify for the status of a “natural born citizen,” one must fill out an application, wait the 40-week gestation period, and swear publically that he or she truly believes in something.
The Justices have ruled that all laws currently in practice at the time of the ruling will be observed and applied to “Born Againers.” This means, according to a legal expert working with Pro-Choice groups, that individuals seeking to be “born again” can be aborted in the first trimester if the mother chooses. The father does not need to be notified.
A voter from Ames, Iowa stated that this ruling will “give us some decent choices in the 2028 election. By then all the natural ‘Born Againers’ will have been in the states for fourteen years.”