Toys “R” Us, Iran Join Forces to Produce Toy Drones
By Thomas Whisenant
TEHRAN – In a joint press conference this morning, American toy retailer Toys “R” Us announced their plans for a business deal with Iranian novelty toy maker The Aayre Art Group and the Islamic Republic of Iran.
Following the 2011 December crash of a United States surveillance drone in Iranian territory, President Obama asked that the drone be returned. Officials denied the request, yet the Aaye Art Group proposed a way to carry out Obama’s wishes by sending him pink toy models of the drone. The Aaye Art Group has since sold the rights to the Iranian government to make the toy.
“Toy drones have become the big thing in Iran,” said Iranian-American businessman Farzad Alaghebandian. “Kites, remote controlled models, butterflies… you name it! Rumor has it that a TV show based around the toy is in the works. Kids love this stuff. Think early 2000s boy band big.”
While many American companies view business transactions with Iran to be taboo and offensive, Toys “R” Us jumped on this opportunity. According to a company spokesman, “The toy distributor suffered hard times during the economic downturn, which was exacerbated by the increasing costs of international expansion.”
In a statement to The Washington Fancy, the company denied the allegations that they are “aiding the enemy.” Chairman and CEO Gerald Storch claimed, “We are filling a need. There is a void in the Islamic Republic of Iran that Toys “R” Us can fill. I’m talking about mass distribution of the increasingly popular pink drone toys.”
In an address to the Iranian people, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei stated that the “project between Toys “R” Us and the great Republic is not a peace effort with the United States. We will use the funds we gain from Great Satan to fund our completely harmless nuclear research.”
In a video of the address, Khamenei sports a T-shirt bearing a large image of a pink surveillance drone with civilians tossing what appear to be small foam models at it.
This business venture is scarred with controversy. Toys “R” Us is a subsidiary of Bain Capital, the investment company started by GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney. Promptly following the announcement of the business deal, Newt Gingrich called a press conference in which he stated, “Romney still has a hand in Bain Capital. This is another attempt by the Republican establishment to gather more funds to ensure I am not elected. If Romney wins the nomination, we are endorsing the Iranian government.”
Gingrich concluded the press conference asking viewers, “Do you want the Iranian government to decide who our next President will be?”