Inspired by Egypt and Syria, U.S. Revolutionaries Plan for “American Spring”
AMERICA — Inspired by the recent voting out of Yemen’s President Saleh, American revolutionaries have vowed to reignite the spirit of the Arab spring – this time in the fifty states.
This week, Harvard University undergraduate stuents Anne Anmassend and Rico Hendrix established the student organization “American Spring Supporters,” and ASS’s influence is already spreading through much of the Boston community.
“We started ASS because we want our government to show the same spirit of democracy as Yemen, Syria, Jordan, or Egypt,” Hendrix explained to this Fancy reporter. “That’s what our American spring is all about – fighting the liberal government’s oppression.”
Hendrix claims to feel a strong connection to the Libyan protestors, stating that they, like him, were “young, restless, and needing more on their resume than ‘Chess Club’ before applying to graduate school.” Both he and Anmassend stress the ASS movement will be much more far-reaching and effective than the Occupy Movement, despite also deriving most of its support base from over-privileged college students with ‘Undecided’ majors.
“This is the first revolution of its kind,” Anmassend assured a loud group supporters, mostly leftovers from Occupy Boston. “I mean, when in America’s history has a small group of revolutionaries fought against the powerful existing government in an attempt to overthrow it? Like, never!”
As Hendrix and Anmassend hoped, the ASS movement has begun to garner support in the wider community, sparking the creation of similar groups in Texas, North Carolina, Oregon, and Colorado.
“We’re dealing with the exact same level of dictatorship and rights violations as the Iraqis under Hussein,” Joe Mellgard, an ASS from Texas Christian University stated. “The government won’t even let my son take his gun to the local playground anymore.”
When asked how the group planned to protest, no clear response was forthcoming.
“Eh, probably in the usual American way,” Hendrix said. “Angry status/Tweets, day-long boycotts of some token store – probably Wal-Mart, complaining loudly to coworkers…maybe even uploading a Youtube video.”