Thanks to Kony2012, Americans Aged 18-24 Suddenly Give a S**t
By Delia Hersh
NEW YORK — Only two days after Invisible Children’s video KONY 2012 went viral, charity organizations and politicians around the country are amazed to see that young Americans give a shit.
Within twenty-four hours of the video’s appearance on Youtube, college-age Americans in every state were indignantly updating their Facebook profiles, Twitters, and Pinterests – leading sociologists to ask, “Why do they care?”
The Washington Fancy took to the streets of New York City to figure out the answer to exactly this question.
“The video just came at the right time,” Ana Gomez, a junior at NYU explained. “It was posted in the middle of midterms week, so it’s been great for procrastination. It’s easy to convince myself that upvoting reddit articles on Kony is more important than studying for Calc.”
Grace Anderson, a freshman at Barnard, took a different view.
“We’re ready to prove that we understand the world just as well as the professors who always complain about us. KONY 2012 is a perfect way to watch 5 minutes of depressing video, then have circle-jerking, passive-aggressive arguments about a topic we’ll quickly lose int- OMG the Iberian lynx is going extinct? Hold on, I have to Tweet this.”
“Occupy Wall Street is so 2011,” declared Frederick Phillipe, 22-year-old college dropout. “It’s time for #OccupyUganda to take over your local Starbucks.”
Urgent studies are also underway at the Pentagon and the State Department to determine scientifically what triggered young Americans to actually care about something besides Words With Friends.
“Our best guess is that it somehow relates to that Gew-gel thingamajig my grandkids like to play with,” posited James Clapper, Director of National Intelligence. “They tell me in three seconds, they can get a paragraph of information on Uganda from Wiccan-pedia, which turns them into experts on the subject.”
“If the nation’s youth want to fight for a good cause, why don’t they focus on something closer to home – like fixing our public schools or reforming our tax code?” queried Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
The nation’s youth have not yet released a reply.