Bipartisanship on the Hill: Congress Approves 50% Increase of Own Salaries
By Chris Todd
WASHINGTON—Democrats and Republicans have been deadlocked recently on many issues ranging from debt limits to healthcare reform. However, just yesterday Congress made great strides for the future of compromises between parties by unanimously voting for a 50% increase in salaries on Capitol Hill.
“After it took both parties weeks to agree on a debt limit plan, we thought this bill would require several months of debate,” said Harry Reid. “Instead, both parties agreed we deserve more money and pushed the bill through both houses within 30 minutes. It’s the fastest bill to pass since we approved 28 days of vacation for ourselves.”
This new legislation comes at a time when the nation is in the midst of a terrible stretch of economic performance. While it seems like paying more of the government’s money to congressmen is wasteful, some analysts believe it will stimulate the economy more than any other spending.
“Representatives and Senators do not deserve more money, but it may just help the economy,” said chief Washington Fancy economic analyst Marty Searles. “Nobody else in the world wastes money like them in the economy, spending on things like red and blue ties, cross-country trips to the beach, and hookers. Hookers don’t pay taxes, so 100% of that spending is going into the economy which is always a good thing.”
The public opinion of this new legislation has been varied, but is best summed by one particular Pennsylvania man, assuming he was being sarcastic; “I think it’s great. It’s hard for our representatives in this economic climate. The real estate market has been hit hard and they all have 3 or 4 mortgages to pay for. One house in their home state, one in D.C., one in their actual home state, and a condo for their mistress and/or second secret family.”