Newt Gingrich: “I Don’t Wanna Give Up!”
ALABAMA– With Mitt Romney gaining an advantage during the Republican Primary elections, Rick Santorum has grown concerned. With too much of the conservative vote split between Santorum and Newt Gingrich, Santorum is worried that he does not have the voter support to take the nomination.
“Please, Newt,” said Santorum at his rally in Montgomery, Alabama. “You have a snowballs chance in hell of getting the nomination. Let it go, you ancient pile of rags.”
Gingrich was quick to respond saying, “No, I don’t wanna! You can’t make me!”
During the primary elections in the southern states, there was a distinct possibility that Gingrich would carry a number of them because, this is where his largest voting base is located; however, that hasn’t been the case with states like Alabama going to Santorum.
“I knew Mr. Gingrich could have won Alabama,” said Santorum. “But the last time I looked out my window I didn’t see pigs flying by. No one aside from Newt actually believes he will win the primary. If he does win, there is even smaller chance of him winning the general election.”
Dr. Richard Kobe, mathematician at the University of Alabama, was asked to compute the chances of Gingrich’s taking the presidency.
“We tried,” said Kobe. “We plugged the election data into our computer system. All we got back was ‘LOL’ printed a thousand times.”
When presented with this data, Gingrich replied saying, “I don’t care what the facts say. No one in this election does.”