EXCLUSIVE: Treasury to Borrow Money from Social Security for 2012 Budget

"Stealing Social Security money and funneling it into the federal budget? Yep, sounds completely legit to me." - Alan Greenspan, Former Chairman of the Fed

By Shaun Kunz

WASHINGTON—Claims by the Social Security Administration that hi-tech hackers and identity thieves have long been stealing Social Security numbers and have moved up to actually cashing in on benefits and checks sparked an investigation Monday. Investigators say that this is a very lucrative scam, and it has caught the attention of lawmakers looking to raise revenue without raising taxes.

In a WF exclusive, Brian Brannagan of Investment Investigations, Inc. claims to have discovered millions of dollars in stolen funds funneled to non-existent addresses and names all along the Canadian Border. “Many of the social Security numbers were for retirees in Florida who no longer work, but claim to have disabilities due to logging and beaver trapping work-related injuries. Moreover, the checks were cashed at the Ambassador Bridge Gift Shop in Detroit, and Niagra Falls Barrell Racers Museum in NY. This has the bacony stench of Canadian Mafia all over it!”

Federal budget teams, however, have been inspired by the move. The Congressional Budget Office has recommended it as a budget balancing alternative to raising taxes.

Next week, the House will vote on an S.S.A. initiative to create social security numbers for people who do not exist, and then funnel the money into the federal budget. Supporters say it is a perfect way to avoid QE3. Detractors feel that the invention of names and social security numbers to match may create an unfair advantage in the polls, if voter registration cards are “accidentally” printed as well.

“How do we know if these phantom recipients are Republican or not, or if they will be citizens within Republican districts?” CPAC volunteer Desmond Toro remarked. ”The money is fine, but the votes, we worry about the votes.”

So far, no major political opposition has been announced, and administrators for the IRS were not available for comment. The Fed has announced its support for the plan and is waiting for what should be unanimous consent by the Department of Justice.

The Canadian connection to the scam, however, has not been substantiated. There has been no statement from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police concerning the allegation. In fact none of The Washington Fancy’s calls have been returned, except to say that the Stanley Cup will be returned to its rightful owners next year, in a completely unrelated story.

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