Internet Explorer Opens Super PAC, Goes Negative On Google Chrome
SEATTLE – Following Microsoft’s unveiling of the newest Internet Explorer, the stalwart internet browser that has been increasingly loosing market share to Google’s Chrome and Mozilla’s Firefox, a Super PAC was registered recently with the intent of running negative adds against IE’s competitors.
This comes on the heels of news that on March 18th, Chrome briefly surpassed Internet Explorer in popularity. The PAC is named the “Keep the Internet Carefree by Killing the Cancerous Home-Robbing Oppressive Machine Explorer, Please Use Bing PAC,” – or, in short, “KICK CHROME, Please Use Bing PAC.”
According to FEC records, the treasurer is listed as Zach Manny who, until one week ago, was the director of public relations for Microsoft, though he denies that he founded the PAC at his former employer’s behest. “Our PAC is completely independent,” said Manny in an interview, “and is in no way related to the fabulous, brand new-version of Internet Explorer, which is superior to Chrome in every way.”
KICK CHROME, Please Use Bing PAC has already filled its coffers with several large donations from senior Microsoft executives. The group has made large purchases of television ad time in major American markets. They will run a series of ads that criticize Chrome, but in keeping with the nature of independent super PACs, will not explicitly say that internet users should switch to Microsoft’s product. Instead, the ads will focus on negative aspects of Google and their Chrome web browser.
“Strange and unknown computers will stalk you in the night, following you into your bedroom when you’re alone,” intones a sinister narator in the PAC’s ad, alluding to Google’s recent policy to consolidate user browsing history. “Cookies will follow your every move, stealing your essence and life force until you bend to their advertising will. Think YouTube is about cute puppies? Wrong, it’s about owning your soul. Unless you get there using Bing, that website is totally awesome.”