Santorum Calls for Ban on Bras, Stricter Modesty Laws for Women
Santorum used hand gestures to assure his audience about the variance in sizes, shapes, colors, and structures that make some bras more licentious than others.
By Spencer French
WASHINGTON — In addition to proposed bans on hard-core pornography and same sex marriage, former Pennsylvania Senator and Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum has also recently disclosed his plans for the most ambitious assault on the America’s carefree sexual attitudes to date, a full blown ban on bras.
Mr. Santorum has labeled the common undergarment as a tool to promote licentious behavior, stating that “women pushing those things out there so far is sexually suggestive, aggressive, and somewhat arousing.” He went on to say that he believes public exposure, at this degree of promiscuity, is promoting a culture that is damaging to American teenagers, leading them down the paths of teen pregnancy and prostitution.
When asked about the percentage of prostitutes currently employing bras when on the job, Mr. Santorum neglected to comment.
In closing, Mr. Santorum reminded America that he himself has never once been caught wearing a bra, and because of his integrity, it follows that he has not only had a successful career, but also has never been a prostitute.
It’s difficult to say whether such a sweeping ban will be enforceable, but regardless, America’s ladies will need to stay aware of citations they may receive for public indecency and for wearing too many clothes.
Initial reactions found females generally supportive of the motion, as they viewed it as an opportunity to make their purses a little heavier by saving money on costly undergarments. On the other hand, young to middle-aged men (having instinctively spoken out against the idea) have come to recognize the potential for a major increase in celebrity nipple slips.
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Posted by SFrenchman
on Apr 1 2012. Filed under Uncategorized.
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