Facebook Acquires Instagram, Horrifies Hipsters
PALO ALTO – Hipsters everywhere are fuming after Facebook bought Instagram Monday, pleasing King Nerd Mark Zuckerberg.
Facebook, once seen as the indie alternative to Myspace, “sold out” years ago, The Washington Fancy’s stylishly anonymous source said. But now the company has sinned further, causing Instagram to “go corporate” just as Facebook once did.
The source feared Instagram, which currently features many color balanced “filters,” will soon cease making photos look hip and instead adopt an oppressive, business-drab blue on white color scheme – or worse, rename the photo log “Timeline.”
Not every distraught hipster could explain his or her concerns so eloquently.
When this reporter asked the barista working in an independent Palo Alto coffee shop his opinion, the barista’s response was to furrow his brow and start belting Passion Pit lyrics. The irony that this band’s music has been used in national car commercials may have been lost on him.
Anya Winters, who called herself indie, wondered, “How will I take photos now? I can’t use the normal iPhone app, my pictures will look just like everyone else’s!”
“No, no, Anya, your photos will only look just like every other upper-middle class, faux-artsy, Apple product-purchasing person’s photos.”