Dalai Lama: “No More Mr. Nice Guy” with Chinese Oppressors
By Chris McKerracher
POTALA PALACE, INDIA — Boss Buddhist, Tenzin Gyatso, better known as the 14th Dalai Lama, is forsaking his pacifist teachings and looking to “kick some Chinese butt.”
“For too long we have been Beijing’s punching bag,” asserted the 77 year-old spiritual leader. “It’s time we realized going ‘Gandhi’ against these guys works about as well as slingshots versus M1 Abrams battle tanks.”
The Tibetan earth-bound deity had gathered the highest officials of the Yellow Hat branch of the Buddhism nation in order to form a council of war. Casting aside their peace-loving tendencies, the grim group formulated plans of attack designed to shake the foundations of their Chinese oppressors.
“The line in the sand is drawn here and now,” threatened the one ‘l’ lama. “We will start with nasty emails, and If that doesn’t catch their attention, we will go straight to pointed letters to the editor of all the major dailies on the planet. We will no longer be Beijing’s punching bag.”