Illegal Immigrant, Seeking to Return to Mexico, Uses Romney’s “Self-Deportation” Plan
CALIFORNIA/ MEXICO BORDER — Juan Carlos Miguel Olafson-Lopez, an illegal Mexican immigrant living in No Fixed Address, California, has declared he is filing the papers to “self-deport” himself back to his country of origin. He will be the first such person to voluntarily embrace Mitt Romney’s plan to deal with the illegal immigration issue that ranks so high on the Presidential hopefuls agenda.
“One day last week I realized that my $5.00 per hour gardener job was taking away employment from real Americans, and my conscience could no longer stand it,” confessed Delgado. “How can I walk past the long lines of young, white people begging for my job and not feel guilty?”
Delgado claims, however, that finding the paperwork online has been a struggle.
“I couldn’t find any application for “self-deportation” on the Internet, but I went ahead and called a hearing into it anyway, as I’m thinking of appealing. Immigration officials didn’t know what I was talking about, so I got my brothers and sisters and cousins and uncles and aunts and, of course, Mom and Dad to attend the hearing. It will just be held in the apartment we all live in so we don’t have to pay any court costs.”
Olafson-Delgado added that one problem he is facing in the “self-deportation” initiative is that at $5.00 per hour, it will take him about 17 years to save up for the trip home.
When reporters brought Mr. Olafson-Delgado’s case to the attention of Mitt Romney, the presidential wannabe was delighted and not a little smug. “That’s one!” Romney hooted. “And all you media types made fun of my plan. I accept your retraction.”