Romney Considers Who to Mate With
By Chris McKerracher
WASHINGTON — Republican nomination shoe-in Mitt Romney is starting to size up who he may want in the office down the hallway should his presidential aspirations become a reality .
“Selecting a running-mate is critical. You have to be careful who you put in a position to take over if you die,” said Romney worriedly. “Politics is a blood sport and a Vice-President can gain the Presidency the same way as a Klingon Officer can take over command of a ship; a sprinkle of poison here… a hired killer there…. it happens all the time. “
In order to narrow down the field, Romney has set out some rules to eliminate certain candidates.
“As the President-to-be I can’t have my running-mate appear smarter or more attractive or more charismatic than I am. Luckily, this winnows out just about everyone.”
The choices that fall within Romney’s guidelines make for a remarkably short list, notably the following people.
On Ted Nugent: “”He’s some kind of singer or something, I hear. Might help with the young people. I’d worry about the gunrack on his limo in parades, though.”
On Tila Tequila: “I think she’d help get me the women’s vote,” opined Mitt. “Women always like other women. It would also help with getting the Latin vote. They LOVE tequila… What’s that? She’s from Singapore? Oh.”
On Donald Trump: “The nice thing about having Mr. Trump as a running mate is that if things don’t work out the way we want, he said he would put me on Celebrity Apprentice! Sadly, that’s the only nice thing.”