Columbian Prostitute: “Secret Service Agents Were Better Under Clinton”
CARTAGENA – More shocking than Dania Londono Suarez, the woman at the heart of the Secret Service escort scandal, telling ABC news that the men she dealt with were “stupid brutes,” is her revelation to the The Washington Fancy that she preferred the agents that worked for President Bill Clinton.
Speaking through a translator, Suarez admitted that “the agents back then were much more friendly and loving. They treated me like a human being.” She went on to say that, “The new agents are all young and naive. They have no sense of values like the agents back in the day. The old agents always took care of me and paid me well.”
A former Secret Service agent that worked under President Clinton admitted that while he was president, President Clinton would often advise the agents on proper prostitution etiquette. Speaking with anonymity, the agent told The Washington Fancy, “[President Clinton] made it very clear we were always supposed to negotiate prices at the beginning of the transaction. Never wait until the end. That was their big mistake. You don’t want to be surprised when it’s time to cash out. And boy, were they surprised.”
During the interview, Suarez admitted to having been with several different agents under both Clinton and George W. Bush, and that while the Clinton agents had better manners, the Bush agents were better lovers.
With a large smile on her face, she said of the Bush agents, “They knew how to please a woman. Their only problem was their fascination with anal.”
A spokesperson for the agents under George W. Bush would not comment on these recent “anal loving accusations.”
*This article, including all direct quotes, is fictitious in nature.