Obama “Neglected, Excluded from Fun” by Secret Service While in Columbia
President Obama turns his gaze away from reporters, feeling distraught at having been excluded and neglected by the Secret Service.
By Peter Coburn
WASHINGTON — The Secret Service prostitution scandal, which recently embarrassed the government agency, received new testimony by one of the escorts hired in Colombia.
Dania Suarez, an escort hired by the Secret Service, came out with her story about the Secret Service behavior. Upon hearing the stories about the party, President Obama announced his disappointment over not being invited.
“They [Secret Service Agents] were heavily intoxicated,” said Suarez. “They were dancing and drinking a lot. It was getting kind of crazy.”
Upon hearing Suarez’s description, President Obama announced his disappointment over the party. “What the hell?” Obama said in a questioning tone. “Where the hell was my invite? I’m the President of the United-freaking-States! Don’t you think that I like to party too? You have beer—yes. You hire hookers—yes! Please! Combine them together and I sure as hell better get an invite. Remember Jefferson or Kennedy? All of the best President’s party hard!”
Arthur Huntington, the Secret Service agent that hired Suarez, expressed his sympathy toward the President. “I’m sorry, Mr. President,” said Huntington. “I honestly didn’t know you wanted to go. If you get me out of this I promise to invite you to all of my hooker parties.”
When asked to comment on the President’s desire to attend a prostitution party, first lady Michelle Obama said, “Yes, I know he wanted to go to that party. Yes, I’m okay with that. Who do you think hired the hookers? If you were to make a surprise visit to the Oval Office right now, sitting under my husband’s desk would be all the scandal you could hope for, all on my dime.”
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Posted by Peter Coburn
on May 14 2012. Filed under Headlines.
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