Ron Paul Resumes Job At Gringotts Wizarding Bank
By Sunny Yan
DIAGON ALLEY, LONDON — A week after former Presidential candidate Ron Paul called an end to actively campaigning for the 2012 election, Paul has finally resumed his position as Co-Chief of Goblin Affairs at Gringotts Wizarding Bank, which is owned and operated exclusively by goblins.
“Every four years, Paul uses his vacation time and asks for a couple of months off to run for President,” the Head Goblin of Gringotts explained. “And frankly, if you ask me, I disapprove of his endeavors in the Muggle world. I mean, if you’re going to run for public office, at least run for Prime Minister! But why President of the United States? It’s goblins like Paul that gives us goblins a bad name.”
Gringotts is also famously known as the location of the 1998 break-in committed by Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. Ron Paul was the goblin that aided their efforts to infiltrate Bellatrix Lestrange’s vault. He was put on probation by the Ministry of Magic, but fully resumed his position when Gringotts was put back into goblin management at the end of the Second Wizarding War.
As the only bank of the wizarding world, Gringotts alone has a monopoly over the wizarding banking industry. The bank not only stores money and valuables, but can also convert wizarding money into Muggle money. The current exchange rate for one Galleon is US$9.75.
According to Paul’s co-worker “Ragnok,” the Presidential nominee spent approximately US$40 million on his campaign this year. “It doesn’t surprise me that Paul’s campaign could afford to spend an obscene amount of money on his Muggle hobby,” he commented. “Though I am forbidden from divulging the contents of individual vaults, let’s just say that at least two dragons and a multiple curses protect Paul’s vault. So basically, his vault contains a f***-ton.”
When asked if a wizarding “f***-ton” could finance multiple Muggle presidential campaigns, Ragnok replied, “Presumably so.”
“Paul has been a valued employee of Gringotts since the early 1900s,” the Head Goblin of Gringotts states. “Whenever—and if ever—he realizes that this whole President thing isn’t going to work out for him, he has an extremely promising future in wizarding banking.”