After 60 Years on the Throne, Queen Elizabeth Realizes She’s Accomplished Nothing
By Chris Todd
LONDON – Last week, all of England celebrated Queen Elizabeth’s 60th anniversary as their queen with a Diamond Jubilee. After the festivities ended, Queen Elizabeth had some downtime to reflect on her 60 years; she came to the conclusion that her reign has been mostly figurative and unproductive.
“I have been on the throne of England longer than any other person before me” said Queen Elizabeth. “In all that time, I thought I was keeping England powerful and strong, but apparently all that money I spent on gourmet food, fancy clothes, and lavish trips were just for me.”
Elizabeth is taking the realization fairly hard, but she is determined to turn it all around. It is being reported that she has spent the last four days crafting detailed legislation to try and pass through parliament.
“It’s really quite sad,” said English Prime Minister David Cameron. “It’s nice that she is trying to pass laws, but it would help if she would write in full sentences and not in crayon. Although, the one where every citizen ‘gets to wear crown one time’ might be fun. It was written in green.”
The queen promises to be more involved in government to make up for lost time, since she didn’t know she was only ruling as a symbol of power.
“This week, I will be implementing brand new policies for England,” said the Queen. After David Cameron mentioned that she can’t actually do so without his approval, the queen replied: “Oh, then I guess I’ll just take my vacation to the south of France early this year.”