Romney Changes Defense Platform After Seeing The Avengers
By Spencer Frenchman
WASHINGTON — Mitt Romney’s surprising new campaign strategy might be the missing piece he lacks in order to win the upcoming nomination.
After seeing Marvel’s new film The Avengers, candidate Mitt Romney drastically changed his defense platform.
“We must create a league of super humans to defend against the oncoming alien attack,” Mr. Romney relayed in a press conference this afternoon. “I saw it on TV. Aliens known as Prometheus, who have the power to turn Sigourney Weaver into Charlize Theron, are coming to attack us. I have been secretly developing a league of super humans known as the Avengers in order to fend off this very type of attack.”
His proposed defense team includes the likes of super human prominent badass Chuck Norris, Matchbox Twenty’s Rob Thomas, Iron Chef Bobby Flay, teenage heart throb Tobey Maguire, actor Ving Rhames, Hurley from the show Lost, and alien expert Sarah Palin who reportedly lives in such close proximity to the aliens that she can see their twinkling homeland in the night sky above her house.
Together, Romney expects they will form the ultimate team to defend the United States against not just the aliens, but all future enemies. Whether it be Chuck Norris’ kick of death or Tobey Maguire’s boyish good looks, the team must find some way put aside their differences and egos and come together as one.
“It’s not going to be easy,” Mr. Romney continued in his speech to the press. “With the fate of the world resting squarely on their shoulders, we the people need to be behind the Avengers and not just ride their coat tails to victory, but be there every step of the way, supporting them with our blood, sweat and our tears. A vote for me is a vote for conquest. A vote for me is a vote for triumph. A vote for me is a vote for Tobey Maguire.”
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Posted by SFrenchman
on Jun 14 2012. Filed under Election 2012.
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