Stockton Goes Bottle-Picking Following Bankruptcy
STOCKTON, CA — Immediately after announcing that the thirteen governmental agencies and municipalities that comprise Stockton, California were filing for bankruptcy protection, the financially-threatened area went collecting cast-off beverage containers to cash in for smokes and beer.
“It’s a sad sight to see the once-great and glorious Stockton reduced to scrabbling around for change, squeegying car windows and combing ditches for empties,” admitted Stockton Chief Financial Officer, Harold “Sticky” Fingers. “I feel so bad I am considering taking a reduction in pay. Just kidding.”
One idea being floated by panicked local officials is to have Stockton move in with nearby San Jose. This idea was immediately shot down by San Jose’s wife who crabbed she didn’t want a down-on-his-luck bum sleeping on her couch every night.
“Maybe check with Fresno,” suggested San Jose mayor Joseph Saint. “They’re practically a flop house.”