Chick-Fil-A ‘Eat Mor Chikin’ Cow Supports Gay Marriage, Company Suffers Logo Crisis
By Joe “The Nerd” Ferraro
ATLANTA — Chick-Fil-A spokescow Spike B’vine has publicly announced she has been in a long term relationship with Doodles the Chicken, who works for the Chick-Fil-A restaurant chain as the logo inside the “C” of “Chick.
B’vine, the primary cow holding the “Eat Mor Chikin” signs who helped to r bing Chick-Fil-A fame, has openly declared her love for the first time. “I cannot, cannot, live the lie anymore,” her voice straining with emotion, “I cannot deny who I am.”
When Spike asked her partner of 10 years, Doodles, to come out of the closet with her it, it was a truly liberating experience for both of them. “It is the first time this chicken has done anything brave”, clucked Doodles. Doodles did attempt to write a press release on the topic, but no one could read her chicken scratch.
The timing of this announcement could not come at a worse time for the Chick-Fil-A chain, having been placed under fire from many groups promoting same-sex marriage. Spike replied to the criticism that her boss and many customers will reject the Chick-Fil-A brand as somehow immoral; “We are Chick-Fil-A and we are here to stay.”
Spike continued, “In fact, as loving creatures on God’s earth, we are asking that Pastor Mike Huckabee witness our love for each other and witness our marriage. As any Christian knows, marriage is between those entering into the marriage and not the person blessing it.”
When questioned further, Spike, clearly irritated, “I am tired of all the bull, literally. Doodles and I are the ones living the marriage, and unless Pastor Mike wants to join our family, I think he should keep to himself and his wife.”
There is no word from Pastor, and Fox Host Mike Huckabee on whether he would preside or bless and hetero-animal, homosexual relationship. Huckabee is busy stirring up the troops to support Chick-Fil-A at the expense of their corporate logos.
Spike also spoke about her long road to finding her personal savior. “Before Chick-Fil-A and Doodles, I was a lost heifer. I did things I was not proud of. I performed in Adult Cow-on-Cow movies that are sometimes called Udder-bagger flicks. [ Udder-bagger flicks are sometimes shown at beef producing farms, the bulls go crazy over them, driving up the yield per burger.] For this, I am and will forever be ashamed. Doodles and the Chik-Fil-A family have helped me find my faith.”
Doodles announced that everyone will be invited to their wedding party where loaves and fishes will be served. “Serving Chicken at the feast made us worry that Uncle Hank (aka Foghorn Leghorn) might be a main course”.
Some conservative pundits reacted to the news with statementssuch as, “It give a whole new meaning to slogans like ‘Eat Mor Chickin’ and requests like ‘I would like to have my eggs scrambled’.”
One pundit quipped that perhaps, now is the time for Spike to ask, “Where’s the Beef?”.