Romney, In Search of Faithful Running-Mate, Clones Self
By Peter Coburn
WASHINGTON — Ever since he secured the Republican presidential nomination, Mitt Romney has been pressured by the press and his republican peers to announce his running-mate.
Nonetheless, after much delay, Romney announced the name of his running mate on Friday. The name of Romney’s vaunted running mate: Mitt Romney.
“I just couldn’t find someone to fit the bill,” said Romney. “I had to find someone that was at least as white as I am – trust me, that was no short order. I mean, I couldn’t just ask Rick Santorum to run for me. So I had myself cloned. This new Romney 2.0, if you will, will be my running mate in the coming election.”
Scientifically, the cloning of Mitt Romney was a significant feat. Aside from being the first cloned human being, Romney 2.0 was the whitest result of a cloning since Dolly the sheep in 1996.
“This is a great idea,” said Romney 2.0. “Not only is my progenitor the best man for the job, but if he were going to die by say, falling down a flight of stairs or tetanus, his exact copy would take over. There won’t be a Joe Biden or Sarah Palin [shivers] to run the country into the ground.”
Democrats have been struggling to respond to the announcement; words leaked from Obama campaign suggest that they are attempting a clone of President Obama.
Reports say Joe Biden has been looking into alternate careers.