Romney’s Tax Returns Reveal Contact with Secret Service Hookers, Chick-fil-A
By Chris McKerracher
WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader Harry N. Reid has launched an attack on Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, for his failure to release his tax records.
By using a sophisticated iPad “app” called “Speculation Generator” (Zynga Games, $0.99 through iTunes) the Democratic stalwart shared the results.
“It says here that the Republican candidate for the highest office in the nation hasn’t paid taxes in the last ten years,” charged the obviously angered politico. “Furthermore, this machine proves that, as shown through his tax return, Romney was the guy that short-changed the Secret Service’s hookers in Columbia, stashed his money in offshore accounts in The Caymans, Switzerland and Club Med, and purchased a controlling interest in Chik-fil-A this past week.”
Romney responded quickly and stridently.
“Well now I’m not really sure about… uh… uh… Mr. Leader’s comments and will have my accountants comb through it again. I would release my tax information, but the problem is…”
At that point, Ann Romney jumped in and put her hand on her husband’s mouth. “Just shut up, for crying out loud, Mitt. We’re not in Europe anymore.”
The News conference broke up when Reid began asking questions of his “Magic 8-Ball”.