Expose: Paul Ryan is a Jam Band Music Fest Hippie
By Shaun Kunz
MADISON, WI– Shortly after being picked by the Republican frontrunner for the VP job, it has been revealed that VP candidate Paul Ryan is not as squeaky-clean and square-white as thought.
In fact, Rep. Paul Ryan is a closet Jam-Band Music-Fest hippy.
Reports from all over Wisconsin are beginning to surface as the media descends on dairy land. Acquaintances, friends, alleged hacky-sack-circle companions and enemies alike have been offering information on the man who will be Romney’s running mate.
According to the Madison Dairy News, Ryan’s best friend can attest to a “photo album of concert ticket stubs…” including passes to South by Southwest, Wanee, Allgood, Coachella, Bonaroo, and a rumored VIP pass to NYC’s Electric Daisy Festival. While photos of the man whom Wisconsoners call “Too High to Fall-Paul” at these events seem not to have surfaced as quickly as the rumors, rumos are all the public needs.
The Romney Camp spoke through one of their interns this morning during an exclusive Cam2Cam session with Washington Fancy Editor-in-Chief Alec Saffron. Saffron assures that the intern is quality. In the interview portion of the session, it was intimated that Mitt is proud of his choice, stands by his choice, and when he finds out what this “ Music Festival stuff is…” he will have more to release. Until then he stands by his barefoot man.
Paul Ryan’s name had not appeared on many of the political punditry’s short lists. There had been a VW BUS with Widespread Panic stickers parked outside of campaign HQ for weeks. Many assumed it was a lone “Occupy Wall Street”vehicle trying to take over the parking lot. It is now believed to have been the possible living quarters for Rep. Ryan while he was being vetted.
If the rumors are true, many speculators believe it will bring the small yet vital Conservative-Hippy vote to the Romney camp.
Posted by Shaun Kunz
on Aug 11 2012. Filed under Headlines
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