Congressmen, Senators for New Term Now Required to Be Literate
By Peter Coburn
WASHINGTON—When the new surge of freshmen congressmen came to Capitol Hill, they created notable friction with the established Democrats and Republicans. The recent collapse of the Federal credit rating is now being blamed on the freshmen tea party members’ lack of compromise; action has been taken to ensure the same mistake will never happen again. Incoming congressmen and senators will now be required to be literate.
“Sure, knowing how to read is important,” said Reince Priebus, chair of the RNC. “But literacy is only the first step. Beyond that, they should use their literacy to gain some sort of understanding of economy, history, and public relations. We put together a list of books every new politician on the hill will need to read.”
The required reading list is to include Politics for Dummies, Elmo Learns the Alphabet, Social Studies for Kindergartners, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to US History, and Herman’s Guide to Not Being a Douchebag.
Immediately following the announcement, several groups attempted to add their own favorite books to the list. Several Tea Party members petitioned to add Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand’s seminal novel, while house democrats looked to add Jon Stewart’s Earth: The Book. Some individuals offered their own opinions, including New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who offered his favorite cookbook, and Sarah Palin, who suggested her Disney princess coloring book.