Former Congressman Weiner Signs Lucrative Deal with Oscar-Mayer
By Paul Peterson
MADISON, WI — Posing for reporters in front of his new “Weiner Mobile,” disgraced Congressman Anthony Weiner announced today that he will be going on the road as the new spokesperson for Oscar Mayer Wieners.
“Tweet this you twit losers in Congress. Four million dollars in my pocket gives new reason for the bulge in my pants.”
When asked how all of this came about, Weiner replied, “As mama used to say, ‘Stupid is as stupid does’ . . . Wait, that was Forrest Gump’s mother. Actually, my mother used to say, ‘If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.’ So I’m taking my wiener on the road.”
Several reporters pointed out that in Weiner’s case, it was Forrest Gump’s mother who got it right.
Weiner said he looked forward to cruising around the country on behalf of Oscar-Mayer. “This is a wonderful opportunity to make new friends and share with America the greatness of Oscar-Mayer Wieners. And by the way, my bologna has a first name, too. It’s Anthony.”