Michelle Obama: “Don’t defund PBS; My husband still needs it to practice his reading, counting”

Obama accused Romney of "expediting the death of CVS," not realizing he had insulted America's 2nd-largest pharmacy chain and confused it with PBS.

By Peter Coburn

DENVER — Last night, President Obama and Governor Mitt Romney held their first debate against on live television which, although focused on domestic affairs and the economy, included Romney’s plan for the immediate cessation of funding for the Public Broadcasting Service, or PBS.

Immediately following Romney’s statement, Obama began muttering numbers that no longer made sense. “Under Romney’s plan,” said Obama,“um… let me start again… hold on now… Under Romney’s plan, the average American would end up paying a million bajillion dollars in higher taxes.”

The President went on to forget his letters and began providing incoherent quantitative figures, such as his repeated mentioned of Romney’s so-called “5-thousand hundred dollar” tax hike. Ultimately, left alone without TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States), it seemed as if Obama had forgotten forget how to speak in complete sentences.

Clearly, the President’s difficulty stems from the education he received at Harvard – and would lose – should PBS be defunded. In fact, many of the programs on the publicly funded media outlet are education and history based.

“The catastrophic results in this case are obvious,” said a livid Michelle Obama after the debate. “Defunding PBS would suck the knowledge of numbers and letters out of the American population - it’s already bringing down my own husband.”

The President was unavailable for comment following the debate, being unable to pronounce anything other than a mumbling about Jersey Shore or The View.

“Look at what you did to my husband,” fired Michelle Obama. “You’ve reduced him to a bumbling moron.”

Romney replied, “Reduced?”