Dictionary.com Crashes Friday As Americans Look Up Word “Optimal.”

By: Dr. Alex J. Foot

Online dictionary website “Dictionary.com” crashed on Friday after 250 million Americans rushed to look up the definition of the word “Optimal.” This came after President Barack Obama appeared on the Daily Show to describe the situation after the Benghazi attacks in Libya.

“If four Americans get killed, it’s not optimal,” the President said in conversation with Daily Show host Jon Stewart. Somewhere in these eight words, a conservative controversy erupted, mainly because no one understood what the President and his “fancy liberal professor speak” were trying to say.

Across the country, conservatives were outraged over the president’s usage of the words “not optimal” to describe the situation. After the cameras stopped rolling on a screaming Sean Hannity’s program on Friday, the host looked at his producer and asked him to look up what the word “optimal” even means.

The word, which means “Favorable” or “Desirable,” originated in the 1880s, when Democrats across the country described their lack of running water and the fact they had to put on a coat to go to the bathroom as “undesirable.” The Democrats came up with the word “Optimal,” and no one used this word again until Friday, October 18, 2012.

When asked what the heck Republicans want the President to do to show remorse over the recent attacks, which terrorism has been an issue to impact every Presidency for decades, the GOP released this set of demands.

Dance
Allow Bill O’Reilly to lecture you about America’s problems for one hour without speaking on live television
Make taxes on the rich zero.
Resign immediately
A helmet full of cottage cheese

Calls to the Daily Show were not returned on Friday.